Okay, so after coming home from a more than interesting New Vision weekend, I felt the need to share with the world a running commentary of this trip. It was definitely unlike any other I’ve ever taken with our NV ensemble. The family got a laugh, so I hope you guys will too.
On Saturday, the group left for Varnville, a.k.a- the middle of NOWHERE. In case any of you were wondering, Varnville is near Hampton, SC. In fact, here’s a little tidbit of information that our host family gave to us; Varnville is actually where they filmed several scenes from Forrest Gump. The scene where he runs down the street in the beginning of the movie and gets rid of the braces…yep, that’s Varnville, folks. He also runs through Varnville on his run across the country, and many of the extras are actual Varnville residents. So there’s the tiny town’s claim to fame.
Anyway, we get to the church, which is evidently supposed to have some sacred meaning to us (as we were informed SEVERAL times) because the Lightseys, who founded the Lightsey chapel, were members of the church. Also a little factoid for you all- the church is in the shape of a cross. Very nice touch in theory, but in all reality, it makes unloading an absolute pain in the persqueeter. The only entrance to the church’s sanctuary is up this EXTREMELY long ramp which is painted a lovely shade of gray to coordinate with the church. Well, all that’s just peachy, except for the fact that’s it’s pouring down rain when we arrive. And, for those of you who don’t know, we have a bus-full of equipment we have to unload every time we travel, because we provide our own sound and computer equipment. We have no choice but to unload in the downpour, and, on top of the pounding rain, the painted ramp is wet…and slick. Needless to say, slips and falls occurred frequently. Of course, by the time we get all of our equipment inside and set up, it’s stopped raining. We are introduced to the pastor, who is…nice. In a really…weird way. Let’s just leave it at that. We rehearse, and then are informed that the youth have planned a “game night” and we’re invited to join them. We go to their fellowship hall, where the games consisted of a Wii, a PS2 with Guitar Hero, and a PS3 with Rock Band. To our surprise, we greatly outnumbered the youth; there were maybe 10 total. After basically standing around, watching the youth play, we were asked to sit in a circle with the youth, the pastor, and some of the parents of the youth and share about ourselves and why we chose to go to CSU. Unfortunately, most of us had no great, spiritual reason in choosing to go to the college; definitely not me. So, it makes for a really awkward 45 minutes of the New Vision crew speaking and the youth saying NOTHING.
Afterwards, our host families show up to take us to their house for the night. Three of us are introduced to Mr. and Mrs. Pulaski, our host family. They are a nice, old couple; Mr. Pulaski is a retired doctor, and Mrs. Pulaski is a retired teacher. They take us to their house, which is a timely drive, not because they live far away, but because Mrs. Pulaski drives about five miles an hour. We are led inside, and Mrs. Pulaski shows us to our rooms. Taylor, one of the girls, takes a room to herself- one of the Pulaski’s daughter’s room. Lesley and I are led to the other room, a bedroom that was converted into a playroom for the Pulaski’s grandchildren. The room, and for that matter the ENTIRE house, is a throwback to the 1930’s. If that’s not bad enough, there are porcelain dolls EVERYWHERE. The room was taken over by dolls; very creepy dolls that watched you as you moved. The bathroom, which was connected to the bedroom, was ceiling to floor Pepto-Bismol pink. The tile on the floor was pink. The tile on the walls was pink. The tile on the counter was pink. The ceiling was pink. The toilet was pink. The shower was pink…you get my drift. And there were about five dolls in there too. Enough said.
We arrive at the church that morning, in the rain, because, guess what? It’s pouring…AGAIN. And this time, we’re under a severe weather alert. The church has two services; a “contemporary” service at 9, and a “traditional” service at 11. We sing at the first, and all is well. We get a break for Sunday school at 10, and then we settle in to sing at the 11a.m. service. Now granted, the church had the heat cranked because it was so cold outside, so it was stifling in the sanctuary. We get about halfway through our set list of songs when, in the corner of the sanctuary, about halfway back, I see a rush of movement. An elderly man is stark white and unmoving, and his concerned wife is leaning over him, trying to find out if he’s okay. Well, we don’t really know what’s going on, so we continue singing. Suddenly, the man sways, and several congregation members swarm the man to lay him out in the pew. We’re still singing as his wife strips his suit coat off of him, and the man sits back up. WE’RE STILL SINGING as he sways again and passes out on the pew. We finally finish the song and sit in awkward silence for about a minute, until somebody finally says, “Call 911!” Nobody moves. An elderly lady digs in her purse and finds a cell phone. Instead of calling, she proceeds to hold the phone out to the preacher, saying that “She’s got a phone! Here, preacher!” Everyone in New Vision is mumbling for HER to call, but the lady never gets the drift. Somebody finally calls, and we’re left in more awkward silence. A man stands up and asks everyone to take hands and pray, a rather smart thing to do at a time like this. Allen, our director, tells our pianist to play something soft to fill in the lull. So, Jonathan proceeds to play “It Is Well”. Now, for those of you who don’t know, “It Is Well”, while a lovely song, is most well-known as a funeral song. The church proceeds to join in TWO verses and a chorus of “It Is Well”. All through the singing, several of the church members manage to get the elderly man up and out of the sanctuary. Allen motions to Taylor, who is supposed to give her testimony, to go ahead and begin. Most of the congregation is in tears, so Taylor doesn’t really know how to begin. She decides to pray to try and create a segue way into her testimony. She wants to pray for the man, but she doesn’t know his name. So, she begins with, “Oh Lord, we lift up to you the man in the back.” That’s right- the man in the back. Taylor mercifully finishes her testimony, and we hold an invitation to conclude the service. At this time, the pastor reenters the sanctuary to make a few announcements. He tries to soothe the upset congregation by giving them an update on Gerald, the man in the back.
Okay, before I share this part, you have to stop reading this story and think like a churchy person. Just a warning. He says, “Folks, I just wanted to let you know that Gerald has gone home.” Alright, now, the pastor truly meant that Gerald had literally GONE HOME, as in, to his place of residence. However, as most know, GONE HOME is also a euphemism for…well, death. So, it had to be explained to the shocked congregation that Gerald didn’t really GO HOME. He went home. Literally.
So, in a nutshell, or a really long-winded tale, that concludes most of my weekend. The exciting part at least. Hope reading this gave you as many laughs, cringes, and groans as it gave me.
Yours Truly,
Allie
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